To my sixteen year old self,
There are so many things I'd love to tell you and things I'd like to warn you not to do, but then you wouldn't be the person you are today without those obstacles. The most important thing I'd like to tell you, is to love yourself and to not abuse your body like you're doing.
Becoming bulimic has messed up your metabolism for the rest of your life and now you have to work extra hard at the gym and eat super healthy. The weight just sticks to you, because of all the abuse you've put your body through. It's so not worth the quick results for a lifetime of regret. Work hard from the start because the damage you're doing will follow you around for the rest of your life. To this day you still struggle with food and this relationship with food that you started way back then, will never go away. Let go of the pain and love yourself and love your body. It's definitely not easy and I know it seems impossible but you are strong enough to do it. I know you feel trapped and like there's no way out but there is a way out and you will heal, it'll just take time.
Sadly this won't be the hardest obstacle you'll have to face. You'll become a teacher and absolutely hate your job and feel incredibly trapped, but with the support of those you love, you will come out of that and find your true passion in life. Little do you know that you'll eventually regret these years and you'll regret being stubborn and always having to have the last word. You may think that you're always right, but you're not and you need to let go of that aggression.
You'll regret the gap you've put between you and your dad simply because you're both the same person with explosive personalities. Because you'll have to watch your father fight the biggest battle of his life. You'll have to be the strong one and let him lean on you when you think you're just not strong enough to do so. You'll have to watch him fade away to nothing and watch him cry, the man you've never seen cry, because he simply wants to live. You'll be strong and you will love him and look after him just as he did for you your entire life.
At 34, this will have been the hardest thing you've dealt with to this point and you'll have to scratch and claw your way back to being yourself. It won't be easy and your heart will break every single day feeling the loss of your father and the battle you had to go through with him. It will haunt you, but most of all it will haunt you that you were such a stubborn person who couldn't just let things go. There were so many years that you'll die to do over with him, so many memories lost.
Even though this will be so hard you'll have done everything you could possibly do to mend this relationship and you'll become friends with your dad because you truly are very much alike. You'll stay by his side every day of this wretched battle and even though it kills you to lose him, you'll have made up for those years that seemed so impossible with him. You'll have made a true friend in your dad and it will make all your fights seem truly irrelevant. You'll miss him something fierce and feel like a part of you died with him but you'll find a way to get through. To hold on to him while still moving on and healing. It may seem impossible at times but he gave you the skills to persevere and he'd be so proud of the person you turned out to be. He'll finally give you the words that you were so desperate to always here from him when you were sixteen. He'll tell you how proud he is of the person you've become and that you have the biggest heart and would do anything for anyone.
So life won't be perfect and it'll have many ups and downs but you'll get through it. You'll be strong enough to keep fighting and you'll have an amazing husband who will be your rock and the love of your life. Don't give up, these obstacles seem impossible at the time but simply by putting one foot in front of the other, no it won't actually be simple, you'll come out of it stronger, smarter and eventually the healing will begin. Most of all, stop constantly beating yourself up and telling yourself you're worthless, that constant negativity just brings you down. Life is short, don't spend it hating yourself, but embrace the person you've become and the changes you've made along the way to become the best possible version of yourself. It's not easy and it will take time, but as long as you're trying, that's all you can ever really do.