My dearest Belles,
When you look in the mirror everyday, what are you saying to yourself? I caught myself saying some awful things to myself in the mirror one morning. “Wow, I’ve gained weight, these clothes look weird on me, why does my hair do this, I really wish I had a smaller nose, my shoulders look really odd in this shirt, I really need to work out harder, where did my abs go, shit, I have a pimple—I can’t have a pimple, I own a skin care line, no one is going to take me seriously...” it went on like this for awhile. I left the house feeling awful. This was the beginning on the day. I couldn’t figure out why I was in such a mood all day. When I am upset, I write. So, I got out my journal and tried to figure out why I was in such a funk. I still couldn’t figure it out, so I went on Facebook (which does not usually help me feel better btw), but then I saw this video. It was 2 friends reading the mean comments they think about themselves to each other. I cried. So, hard. I don’t mean tears trickled down my face, I full out bawled like a child. I realized in that moment that I was the reason I was in such a funk. It was my own making. The negative things that I had said to myself in the morning carried with me all day. I realize that I am not alone in this, and that makes my heart break, because I would hate for my friends to speak to themselves this way. If you find yourself having this negative inner dialogue, this is for you.
The woman that you feel jealous of, has her battles just like you. Don’t take it out on her, and don’t you dare take it out on yourself. Recognize your feelings and give yourself time to just feel them. Once you have done that, then remember:
If you are feeling overwhelmed, I am here to tell you that you have got this. If you are feeling insecure, I am here to tell you that you are brilliant beyond compare. If you are feeling like you aren’t enough, I am here to tell you that you are. If you think that you should look more like so and so, I am here to tell you that you and your imperfections are what makes you beautiful.
Listen to yourself carefully, what actually makes you happy? Is it wearing makeup? If it is then have fun, if it isn’t, don’t wear it just because you think you should. You don’t. Does wearing clothes that hug your body make you feel confident? Amazing, then go for it, but if you feel gorgeous is comfy sweaters and a topknot that is totally ok too. That doesn’t make you less than.
You need to start taking better care of yourself. I don’t mean to look better. I mean to feel better. Journal, soak in a tub, go for long walks and breathe in the fresh air, watch Netflix in bed—whatever self care looks like for you, make the time to do it. You don’t need to apologize for it. If you just can’t go out to that party like you promised because you need rest, then rest.
To be honest, reading this isn’t going to magically make you feel better about yourself, but just know that I am here to send you love and positive vibes, and I will always think you are beautiful, strong, and wonderful. You have supported me, let me support you.
All my love,