I know you are lost, empty, and hurt. I know you look in the mirror in the morning, and determine your happiness for the day based on what you see. I know you feel insecure about your acne, your oily skin, your inability to apply eyeliner.
Everything feels like a big deal right now. Every rumor feels like the end of the world. Every boy feels like the love of your life. Every friendship feels like forever. But in a year, no one will remember the “rumors”. When you get out of your small hometown, you’ll learn that there are millions of boys. As you grow older, you’ll realize that the best of friends, will be forever, but others will be a memory.
And that’s okay.
Your high school years will be a blur of “figuring it out”. Same with university. At times, your mind will be your own worst enemy, and you’ll take it out on your body. You’ll develop an eating disorder and depression, though at first you won’t call it that. You’ll convince yourself that you’re alone, and that no one else “gets it”. Thankfully, a handful of people will prove you wrong. You’ll graduate university, and have no idea what you want to do with your life. Uncertainty will be a constant theme in your autobiography, and no one thing or person will make it all right.
Because as much as it hurts right now, these struggles are what ultimately make you stronger. You’ll find comfort in Taylor Swift lyrics. You’ll find courage in spending time on stage. You’ll find loyalty in friends you meet during travels, and wonder why the world has to be so big. You’ll slowly, but surely, learn to love yourself. There won’t be a cut and dry answer – no pill, boy, or event that changes you. Recovery is ongoing and self-love is a journey.
And that’s okay.
Ultimately, you’re going to surprise yourself. You’ll learn that it’s okay not to be okay – but that it’s not okay to stay there. You’ll learn that you’re not in need of fixing, and no boy will love the flaws out of you. You’ll learn that only you can choose recovery, no doctor can prescribe it. You’ll become self-aware and do things you never imagined.
And then you’ll look back, and wish you knew then what you know now. That in the end, it’s all going to be okay.