I’m Veronica and I’ve been working as a clinical therapist for roughly the past 8 years. Over the course of this time I’ve worked with a variety of individuals; children, teens, young adults, men, women and those who don’t identify as one or the other gender or identify as a different gender. On the hot topic of gender, one thing has come up time and again in my sessions, particularly with females (teens or adults alike). I very often hear females say they prefer to be friends with males because “it’s less drama” or they don’t feel judged as harshly by men. It saddens me to hear this so often and caused me to reflect on why so many hold this opinion.
I have multiple theories, one being that females who think this way have quite possibly been hurt deeply in the past by a “friend” which leads to this distrust in other girls/women. If that’s your experience, I am very sorry you went through that and hope you can realize that not all females will recreate this hurt and cause intentional or collateral damage along the way. Perhaps it’s a situation of a few “bad apples” (read: possibly hurting individuals themselves exuding negative energy) who leave this bitter taste in your mouth and this doesn’t necessarily represent the majority.
Another theory is that sometimes we feel threatened by other females because we are conditioned to constantly compare ourselves. I say we because, even as a professional, I struggle with this regularly and I know I am not alone. If we constantly compare ourselves and believe we don’t measure up to other women why would we want that constant reminder, right? I get it. I do. It’s sometimes self preservation to reject females and gravitate toward male friendships. But, I firmly believe we are shortchanging ourselves if we don’t let female friendships blossom in our lives as they can be so rich and fulfilling. After all, who is more likely to truly empathize with us and understand us than those who may have similar experiences, pressures and insecurities.
As females we can play a vital role of building one another up and supporting each other. Every Belle deserves at least one female bestie in her life (if not a village of Belles) to lean on. Let’s model that type of fierce lasting friendship. Let’s leave competitiveness, comparisons and hurtful actions at the door and embark on a revolution.
With love and admiration for you all,